10.16.10

For my best friend on her wedding day:


Danielle and I have known each other since we were 13, she’s my oldest and best friend. It didn’t take long for our friendship to form. We met on the soccer field in 7th grade as we both were newcomers to a big local soccer team. I remember two things about meeting Danielle, 1) have you seen those thumbs!!! And 2) what an infectious smile. I’ll never forget that first practice, for that is when our friendship was born. It didn’t take long for Danielle and I to realize we had a lot in common, after all it was just the two of left sprinting extra 120 yard windsprints after practice. Nothing like “get on the line” to make you feel welcome to the new team. Danielle and my bond grew fast, much like our sprints, and I’m certain all those extra hours of sweat, tears, and countless running drills laid a solid foundation for the friendship that remains today.

When I think back about all my fond memories growing up, most of them were with her. There was picture day for the soccer team on a Sunday morning after freshman year homecoming… Danielle and I chose to go in our “up-do’s” as it added a bit of height to our stature. Then there was our sweet 16’s. I’ll never forget Danielle’s. Ron and Christy surprised Danielle with her first car, a silver Ford Focus. We drove that thing all over tarnation the first weekend, and I’ll certainly never forget returning it late Sunday night with 300 new miles on the car and seeing her parents exasperated faces. I believe the exact words they said were “just where did you go for 300 miles?”…. and Danielle’s (like any teenager) response was “we were just cruisin’…” As we’ve grown older Danielle and I have remained close spending holiday’s with each others’ families, planning vacations together, and continuing to grow in our friendship. Danielle you told me once that you look up to me, that you can always come to me as a source of wisdom and guidance. Well, D, I’ve left it for today to tell you this, it is not you who looks up to me, but me to you. I am proud of the woman that you’ve become and more than anything I am proud to call you, my very best friend.


Danielle I have known you for what seems like forever. I have seen your ups and your downs. I have watched your heart break, and through all of the bumps life has challenged you with I’ve seen you stand tall and strong. You are a beautiful woman, one who is dedicated, passionate, warm hearted and gentle. You are kind, tenacious, sometimes ferocious, but always sincere. Your personality is bright and bubbly and your enthusiasm for all of life’s adventures is both infectious and inspiring. I am so proud of you for waiting to find someone as equally as special as you are. Someone who shares that same thirst for life, love, and adventure. A man that will stand beside you as your equal, all the while challenging you to continue to grow as a person. I know that you have found this in mark. Mark, your vivacious spirit encourages others to relish in life and its endless possibilities. You are supporting, genuine, passionate, and sincere. I know that you will be a wonderful husband and friend to Danielle in your life together. There have been so many good moments that I have had the pleasure of sharing with Danielle and her family, and over the years our friendship has grown so strong that we’ve become family. So I feel it is only fitting for me to say to you Mark, welcome to the family, as well.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say how happy and proud of you we all are. It didn’t take me long to realize the special bond the two of you have, I saw it immediately and it is one that can only be found in a pair of soul mates… two people destined to be together, two pieces of a puzzle that have finally found their home.


There is no doubt in my mind that the two of you were destined to be together. The bright sparkle that you two have in your eyes for each other fills the world around you with hope. I know you have both waited a long time to find that special someone to share the rest of your life with… your best friend, your companion, your shoulder to lean on, someone to come home to, the person you’ll grow old with, and the person you’ll create a family with…


So everyone lets raise our glasses. For Danielle and Mark. I hope many years from now as you sit back and reflect on this moment you realize a few things. I hope you know there is no one story or one speech that you can write that can ever possibly explain how much your love has changed your life, and how very lucky you are that you chose each other to be your best friend forever. May your life together be filled with love and laughter.
Congratulations, you’ve done it. The long wait is over. Enjoy this special time in your life. Live each day to its fullest, appreciate the other. Relish the love that you have, and never take it for grjavascript:void(0)anted.
Love with your whole heart and live the most extraordinary life together.


I love you both, congratulations.

An Unholy Alliance

A friend sent this to me today, and I was so moved by what I read I thought I would share it with you all. It's easy to lose our way in life. We are searching so deeply for answers to our questions, we need to know (and now) what to do given this situation or another, we are running around on a quest for some deep revelation - an A-HA! moment where suddenly "we've got it," we are doing anything and everything to "figure it out," and as such we forget to do the simplest thing of them all... ask for advice, and listen for God's reply.

This is a great message and one that couldn't have come at a better time for me. On that note, I've got to stop, look deep inside myself, and listen. I hope God speaks.


An Unholy Alliance
Over the years we've come to see that the only thing more tragic than the things that have happened to us is what we have done with them.

Words were said; painful words. Things were done; awful things. And it shaped us. Something inside of us shifted. We embraced the messages of our wounds. We accepted a view of ourselves. And from that we chose a way of relating to our world. We made a vow never to be in that place again. We adopted strategies to protect ourselves from being hurt again. A woman that is living out of a broken, wounded heart is a woman who is living a self-protective life. She may not be aware of it but it is true. It's our way of trying to "save ourselves."

And, we also developed ways of trying to get something of the love our hearts cried out for. The ache is there. Our desperate need for love and affirmation, our thirst for some taste of romance and adventure and something to be wanted for is there. So we turned to boys or to food or to romance novels, we lost ourselves in our work or at church or in some sort of service. All this adds up to the woman we are today. Much of what we call our "personalities" is actually the mosaic of our choices for self-protection plus our plan to get something of the love we were created for.

The problem is, our plan has nothing to do with God.

The wounds we received and the messages they brought form a sort of unholy alliance with our fallen nature as women. From Eve we received a deep mistrust in the heart of God towards us. Clearly, he's holding out on us. We'll just have to arrange for the life we want. We will control our world. But there is also an ache deep within, an ache for intimacy and for life. We'll have to find a way to fill it.

What A Beautiful Day

There are moments in life that affect us greatly, they hit us deep in our core, they touch our souls, and sometimes they change the way we view the world around us.

This weekend I had the pleasure of experiencing a moment like that. And while you had to be there to truly understand the depth of the emotions involved, I will do my best to try and capture them through words.

For the first time in my life I cried tears of joy. Pure, raw, happiness. And not for myself, but for my best friend. I didn't know that kind of happiness existed, and I don't know how to describe it except to say that it is an emotion far deeper than one I've ever felt. When you think about the moments that will make us happiest in life we naturally would think of ones that would be self serving. What makes this one even more memorable is that I wasn't happy for myself but for someone else.

I cannot begin to describe the reasons why I am so happy for Danielle and Mark except to say that they are two of the most exceptional people I've ever met and my life is far greater because they are part of it. The past year has been extremely difficult with the passing of Danielle's brother. As her best friend I wanted this special day to be perfect, and as such I paid attention to every little detail. Despite my devoted attention, there was one thing that was out of my control but I believed deeply that God would come through.

Friday night I was talking to Danielle and told her that I believed her day would be complete, that Travis would be there. I told her he would be there in the sunlight, in the soft melodies of the music, but most of all he would be there in our hearts. What happened Saturday was nothing short of miraculous. The weather was far from perfect, it was overcast and misty out, and we'd yet to see any real sunlight all day. Yet, as the entrance song started and Danielle took her first steps down the aisle the sun came out over the horizon, and only over the Casa. As Danielle continued down the aisle it disappeared almost as quickly as it first appeared. A few minutes later as the Priest was talking about the importance of marriage suddenly the ocean went silent. Not for long, maybe 15 seconds, but for that brief moment in time no waves crashed, the world went silent. There is not a doubt in my mind that was Travis, watching his big sister from up above. God works in mysterious ways sometimes. And while the signs of Travis' presence on Saturday are no consolation for him being taken from us here on earth, it was the greatest gift that could have been given on that day.

The wedding was perfect, despite some minor setbacks in weather and last minute changes. The bride was absolutely stunning. The groom was as handsome as ever. And the love shined so radiantly that it penetrated everyone in the room. I am still in awe of the entire event. I thought I knew what true love looked like, I thought I'd felt it before in the past, but what I witnessed is something far greater than anything I've felt. We all felt it, and we were all touched deeply by the magic of it all.

I think I'm pretty lucky to have a best friend set such a good example for me and I can only hope that one day I am fortunate enough to find a love like she has. One that is kind, caring, trusting, and deep. I want a man to look at me and know he doesn't want to live a day without me. I want to be someone's hopes and dreams. I want to be their world. I want my best friend and my soulmate. I want it all and I'd love to find it sooner rather than later. But I tell you what, after seeing how good it really can be, the last thing I want is to settle for anything less than everything. A lifetime is far too long to be anything short of perfect.

Doing What Matters

I recently read a book by James Kilts titled “Doing What Matters” and once again I was moved by some of the seemingly simple principles Kilts suggests offer success in the business world. These ideas are nothing new, in fact they are so simple that most of probably forget them, or gloss over their importance. For Kilts making a difference can be obtained through intellectual integrity, generating emotional engagement and enthusiasm for your product/brand/company, providing action, and understanding the right things by examining them through the proper lens. While arguably all of these are critical to running successful companies the one that struck me the most was the idea of intellectual integrity.
As Kilts says, “nothing gets done when you try to do too much. You either whirl around in circles or slump into a paralysis when facing endless options simultaneously…. People trying to make themselves and their companies all things to all people” When I think about this I think how many of us get stuck in this constant downward spiral of obligations and commitments? We overload ourselves to the point where we make no real contribution to anything, nor do we really learn or gain insight because we are spread too thin. It seems to me it would be better to take on an active role in a handful of activities and have a real, tangible, and most importantly, valuable, contribution than to be a participant of many things. After all isn’t this the main point of leadership and being a leader. Put simply, I cannot maintain a profound leadership role in all activities I choose to participate in (both personally and professionally) if I am so overloaded that I am extended thin. I know in life it is hard to choose what you can and what you can’t do, but the bottom line is this, we are human, and we just can’t do everything. And when we try to do everything, we over extend ourselves, we limit our contributions, we hinder our growth, and more than likely we don’t keep our promises.
This concept flows in nicely to the idea of making promises we can’t keep. In the business world, as Kilts explains, it is as simple as promising earnings you just can’t generate. How often in business and in our personal lives do we make promises we can’t keep? How often do we fall victim of others making promises that they can’t keep? When I think about the fundamental values that drive me both personally and professional, trust, honesty, and integrity, this concept hits at the root of those principles. Do I do the things that I say I am going to do? Do I deliver on the promises that I can make? I know I am not perfect, and I know that I try to keep my word. I believe that trust (both trusting and being trustworthy) are the heart of strong relationships, and in the professional world (as well as my personal life) developing relationships with strong roots is the key to success. So how in a world that is consumed with ever increasing results do I maintain my values, how do I keep integrity, honesty, loyalty, and trust at the heart of business? For me I start with myself. I believe that if I uphold and demonstrate these values on a daily basis then I am displaying the right kind of leadership. Beyond that I must analyze the character of those around me and seek to find a team that is as focused on integrity as I am. In today’s world this seems like a daunting task, but there are good people out there, and chances are, the more I focus on my values, the more likely people with similar values will surround themselves with me.

If we want our lives to be wonderful, and really, why would we want them to be anything else, then we must start by making ourselves wonderful... For our lives are really a mirror reflecting ourself back at us. You want happiness, be happy. You want love, love deeply. You want laughter, smile brighter. Our lives are all about our choice of how we perceive them. Mines pretty amazing and I hope yours is too! Xo!

Wedding Week

It's official we are less than a week away (5 days to be exact).

I am SO EXICTED.

Watching my best friend get married, it is going to be AH-MAY-ZING.

I am so happy for Danielle and Mark. Seriously, aren't they so cute? And HOW CUTE is their wedding present? A big thanks to Shauna at: littleshopofshavs.com for her fantastic painting.

There is so much to do in the final days before I head down to San Clemente to celebrate with the love birds. It's going to be a whirlwind but so worth it.

Can't wait for the reception, I've written the best speech ever, cake, and gonna boogie on the dance floor all night long.

Happy Monday people!

As always... SMILE, the weekend (and the big day!) is almost here!

<3 T

I. Am. An. Athlete.

As an athlete I've spent my life cultivating the aura of being invincible. I spent most of my younger years chasing crazy dreams of being the worlds greatest. I've spent an immeasurable amount of hours on the practice field, in the gym, running, and lifting. My early life chasing my dreams shaped me into one defined by hard work, perseverance, dedication, and the inability to ever give up. As I have grown older I have slowly come to the realization that my dream was unattainable. Needless to say this has been a difficult insight to grasp and I spent a long time fighting off that notion with every ounce of energy I had. At some point I came to terms with my fate. I realized that I was in fact fallible, I was not invincible, and that no matter how much I loved sport that it could no longer define my existence. Yet despite the fact that I am now far past my prime, as a lover of sport there will always be a thrill of competition that defines me. I love nothing more than an intense match. In those moments I have glimpses of my past, of playing night games under the lights, listening to the national anthem before the whistle to start the game. Sure these games now mean nothing and are marked more by the festivities that take place after than the actual events that take place during them.

But I tell you this... no matter how far removed I am from my prime, no matter how insignificant the games that I play in now, there is still no greater satisfaction for a lover of sport than completing the perfect play that brings memories of the past. Sure those moments are now few and far between, but still there is nothing sweeter than ripping a side volley upper 90, smiling, and saying "I still got it!"

Let's face it. I am an athlete. And always will be.

<3 TC

Expectation

I just finished reading Jim Collin’s book “Good To Great.” It is a book about transforming good companies into great companies and includes many examples of some of American’s iconic companies. The success of these firms is centered on a few major premises: the presensce of a level 5 leader, someone who is charismatic and humble having an unfailing desire for the company to succeed; an executive staff that is talented, educated, and driven towards success; the right people in the right places who are motivated on their own accord; a culture of discipline; and the tools and resources necessary to succeed in today’s dynamic global business environment.
This book was an interesting and debatable read. While I agree with many of the premises and statements that Collins makes, I feel that he over generalized too many critical items. I also feel that the teachings in this book are not practical for every industry. Finally, I think in business, as in life, we often learn more from failures than from success stories. There are countless success stories of companies in America, as Collins depicted. These companies are led by charismatic and humble leaders, they have fabulous executive teams, and an organizational culture that fosters creativity, innovation, and prosperity. Can we really define while some business have luck and others do not? I just don’t think so. That being said, I think what this book does provide is a great foundation for the elements a successful business needs. If you don’t have these traits, it is not likely that you will be successful in the long term. But I also think that there are plenty of examples of great companies out there that may be lacking one or two of these elements.
I work in the restaurant industry, operating seven McDonald’s franchises. The biggest problem that I face on a daily basis is how to motivate people that are only motivated by a paycheck. The majority of our business is run by teenagers and people without a high school education. Quite frankly they don’t have the knowledge, drive, or dedication to run multi-million dollar restaurants, but the nature of the industry forces us to put the stores in their hands. With low profit margins, high labor costs, and high food costs, it is nearly impossible to hire and retain level 5 leaders. Sure we have a great senior executive team, full of knowledge, drive, and desire that works endlessly to help keep the business running. But in an industry that operates 24 hours a day 365 days a week this staff just can’t be at every store every minute of every day. And thus ensues the problem. Turnover in the industry averages 300%. Through a lot of hard work, dedicated hiring/interviewing practices, and a disciplined training team my company has managed to reduce turnover to about 150%. I’d love to abide by the principal of firing someone the moment I realize they need to be terminated, but with today’s unemployment practices and labor laws, frankly, that just isn’t practical (or legal). I have to discipline and document, numerous times, suspend employees and put them on probation, and then I can fire them. Now the next argument is, “if you have the right people in place they will be motivated and you won’t have to fire them!” I have dreams that this would be true, in my business, it just is not. Again, I revert back to the fact that we employee mostly teenagers looking to earn a paycheck for spending money in high school. So what do we do in this instance? Does this mean we can never be great? Do we settle for “good?” Of course not, we always strive for perfection and never settle for mediocrity. But it leads me to wonder if our expectations might be too high and therefore we will continually be disappointed. At what point does the rift between desired and actual become so great that expectations need to be changed? If our company is the flagship operation in McDonald’s entire West America Division and we are only “good” is there even such a thing as great in this industry? Is that possible? I tell you this, the entire executive team is dedicated towards achieving greatness, but if we can’t get the workforce to produce these results, what do we change? Our perception, our expectation, or our philosophy?

Obviously this applies to life as well. It is a well known fact that have the highest expectations of everyone I hold in my circle of trust. My friends and family all know this. I expect nothing but the best from them, but more importantly from myself. I've thought about this a lot. At what point are expectations so high that they are just unrealistic and lead to a life of disappointment. And if we are continually disappointed is it because our expectations are in fact too high or are we just not trusting the right people? It seems to me like if we surround ourself with the right, good, honest, trustworthy people our expectations should always be met? Inevitably there is a constant struggle between settling for disappointment and settling for mediocrity. I tell you this, I cannot under any circumstances settle for anything other than great. I refuse to. Not in life. Not in work. Not in school. Not in friendship. And certainly not in love. What in the world is the point in settling for anything less that everything?

~ T

"The quality of your life will be in direct proportion to the types of relationships you choose to build. Relationships can help or hinder you. They will help you endure distractions on your journey, or they can be distractions." Lorber

As I think about this and the relationships I have around me, professional, personal, friends, family.... I am pleased with the decisions I've made on who to surround myself with. I am lucky to have a plethora of love, wisdom, guidance, and friendship in my life. I have friends, near and far, who are always there for me. I have close relationships and mentorships with people who provide endless amounts of wisdom and guidance just because they enjoy helping me grow and develop. I think in life it is often easy to get caught up in the quantity of people around us. It is easier to have a hundred acquaintances around us so that we always have an event or outing to attend. The truth is that often leads to many meaningless relationships whereby we have few to really rely on. In my opinion it is an undeniable fact that we just can't do life alone. I shouldn't say can't, because we can do anything. But why? Life is so much better when enjoyed with others, with friends and family. Surround yourself with people who love you, who support you, and who will be there for you no matter what. Fill your life with a few strong relationships and you have foundation for a wonderful life. Trust and be trustworthy. Give and receive. Allow yourself to be loved and love deeply in return.


<3 T